The truth of the matter is, that no one deserves the fate of Sisyphus: forever rolling a heavy boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back to the bottom. No one deserves to have to live through the movie Groundhog Day in real life. So if you’re finding yourself consistently prone to relationships or situations that are bad for you, sometimes you just need to take a moment to truly think about what you are looking for in life and how you can get it for yourself in a healthy way, of course.
I spoke in coded phrases, seemingly in an effort to sneak cries for help past my larger than life “happy” manic persona. In dropping these metaphorical breadcrumbs, I truly felt like I was begging… screaming even for help. Looking back, my cries for help were really obscure and, of course, with my current knowledge that I have Bipolar Disorder, they make perfect sense. At this point though, I was desperate. Desperate for companionship. Desperate for understanding. Desperate for being saved from myself. I was waiting for Superman.
After admitting that I needed help and checking myself inpatient, the next factor that really determined how quickly I progressed in my recovery was finding a therapist that I trusted could help me. I mean really there are two parts to that statement. Finding a therapist you trust. And believing it is possible for you to be helped. Both are equally important but I’ve actually had an easier time finding my soulmate than a fitting therapist.
So I remind myself when someone says something mean to me that they simply don’t understand and are afraid and, rather than being silent, I should continue to speak my truth. If I can comfort one person while being judged by 10… I think that’s a ratio I can live with.
Just because something needs to be said doesn’t always mean it needs to be heard.
Simple words like “I love you” or “I’m proud of you” can make someone blissfully happy; however, even more easily words can shatter a person entirely.
I know I’m not alone in this world and neither are you… I promise.